Tag: Joe Hobby
COLUMN: Lucky shirt, lucky dogs, lucky team
Uh oh. Only five minutes before kickoff, and I’ve got things to do. Quickly I round up both my dogs and pet them seven times each - the last stroke from the tip...
COLUMN: Coming out of the closet
I laugh when I think about college students today. They go off to school with interior designers, then buy curtains, expensive sheets, nice furniture,...
COLUMN: The old briefcase
We started cleaning out our basement the other day, and I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be a Saturday afternoon project. It was more like...
COLUMN: Everybody gets one
Now that I think about it, I suppose I’m a little like former President George W. Bush - though not because of his domestic or foreign...
COLUMN: Don’t pay the stupid tax
For those of you who have been reading my column for a while you know I occasionally write about stupidity. More specifically, my stupidity - a subject I...
COLUMN: Doggone good
It’s the sound more than the smell that takes me back. Not a loud sizzle like bacon, but quieter, softer. As a kid, when...
COLUMN: Pop! Boom! Ohhhhh!
That, my friends, is the sound of a very distinctive holiday: the Fourth of July.
Sure, we've got more important ones. Like Thanksgiving, that glorious celebration of...
COLUMN: It wasn’t my time
There are moments in life when the distance between an ordinary day and tragedy is measured in inches.
I’ve thought about that a lot lately.
A few...
COLUMN: ‘Southern summer – we don’t sweat, we marinate’
“Honey, it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.”
That’s not just a saying in the South – it’s a warning.
Everyone who lives here knows we pay for those mild winters...
COLUMN: Too old for a mid-life crisis
I was two days out of knee surgery, lying on my bed in a Lortab-laced fog, when I sat up and uttered a sentence to...
COLUMN: Have a nice bidet!
I’m in my bathroom, standing in a nasty puddle of water, with a plunger in one hand and a bent coat hanger in the other. It’s hard...
COLUMN: Poster board procrastination
It was usually about 8:45 on a rainy Sunday night when the drama began.
One of my boys would burst into the den, chest heaving...
COLUMN: 2 dogs, 1 bed, no dignity
I woke up at 3 a.m., which is not unusual. At my age, the bladder rules. It was time to take a bathroom break, return...
COLUMN: Money in the Maytag
As if by magic, he pulled a folded $100 bill out of a pile of gray lint.
“Look what I found,” he said, waving it in the...
COLUMN: Lessons from a locksmith
It seems there’s so much nastiness, rudeness and hate in the world now. It’s everywhere, and it makes me sicker than the thought of drinking warm...
COLUMN: Don’t say awesome – unless it really is
I walked about 75 yards from the visitor center, stepped to the railing, looked both ways and gawked.
I’m not a big gawker. In fact,...
COLUMN: A Southern snow globe morning
I wish every boy could experience snow the way we do in the South. Since it’s a rare occurrence here, there’s a sense of...
COLUMN: Sore feet, no seat
I’ve done some dumb things in my life. Over the years, I’ve displayed an All-American level of stupidity on a number of occasions. Once,...
COLUMN: Rudolph – an exclusive interview
You know him. You’ve sung about him, watched him on TV and probably even worn his likeness on an ugly Christmas sweater. But how...
COLUMN: Fruitcake and other feast failures
Ah, Thanksgiving — the holiday built around gratitude, family and, of course, food. I could add football to the list, but most games on...
COLUMN: Winning the 4th quarter
I left the doctor’s office, got into my car and began screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs. I have had enough. When...
COLUMN: Mimis and Paw Paws — get in line!
It was total chaos at the Dollar General store in Margaret, Alabama. People rushed out the doors carrying poster board, silver balloons and rolls...
COLUMN: The perfect regift
At first glance, it wasn’t much of a gift, just a cheap pocket knife made of flimsy metal and plastic. It probably came from...
COLUMN: Just a matter of time
I need to vent, so please don’t judge me — just listen. I’ve got a problem with time. And yes, I know some of...
COLUMN: The First Flight
The plane trip began in Tuscaloosa, and stopped in Jackson, before it finally reached Dallas. Later in life, taking this hopscotch flight was as...
COLUMN: Tumor Humor
“Laughter is the best medicine” is a cliché everyone knows. And it is based on the truth. Studies have shown that laughter relieves stress,...
COLUMN: Paw Paw goes to college
Well, it’s official and it feels weird. So weird, that I dug up my old fraternity jacket to see if it fits. Not even...
COLUMN: The misadventures of Handyman
It all started with the best of intentions. My sister had a small, ornate, antique table with a broken leg, and since she knew...
COLUMN: A letter from my dog
Hey Joe!
This is your dog, Roscoe. It’s hard to believe it’s been over six years since you picked us up from the side of...
COLUMN: Water aerobics – H2 oh no!
Since I had knee surgery earlier this year, I’ve been looking for a low impact method of exercise. Actually, my wife has been looking...
COLUMN: The Class of 2037
It was a big day. Especially if you were one of the 150 or so 5-year-olds in color-coded T-shirts marching down the aisle of...
COLUMN: I can see clearly now
At my age, the time has come. One of the last parts of my body that was still working properly finally needs help, and...
COLUMN: Dumped
You remember your first girlfriend or boyfriend. The one that was going to last forever. The one that made you stop eating - which...
COLUMN: Breakup songs
Wait for a rainy, cold, black-and-white movie kind of afternoon. Have a box of tissues handy, then grab a pint of Ben and Jerry’s....
COLUMN: ‘Hey Siri! Where are we?’
Here’s a friendly reminder to all of you travelers hitting the road this spring and summer: your GPS routing system is only as good...
COLUMN: 19 things boys need growing up
As I look back on the life I’ve lived, I seem to focus a lot on my childhood. I think most anyone does. As...
COLUMN: No shirt, no shoes, no filter!
I pulled a couple of boxes of photos down from my closet the other day. These photographs were mostly black and white relics made...
COLUMN: Honk if you lost a car
I own a red Chevrolet pick-up truck. When I bought it a few years ago, I decided that it would be a good idea...
COLUMN: Grandma groupies
I heard a rumbling noise coming from the second floor of my house. Since we almost never go up there, I thought that one...
COLUMN: Drones fell on Alabama
These drone sightings over New Jersey remind me of a time years ago when mysterious lights were spotted over Birmingham, Alabama. I know because...
COLUMN: I’m getting ornamental
By now, I’m sure most of you have your Christmas tree and home decorations up. Not me - I’m a world class procrastinator. Think...
COLUMN: Good dogs
“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” Mark Twain
I read where author...
COLUMN: Fry me to the moon
I was born in the South. And I live in the South. That means I eat fried food – me and about everybody else...
COLUMN: Let’s get rolling
I was talking to a friend’s daughter at a high school football game. When I asked her if they had any special Homecoming activities...
COLUMN: Cowboys and channel changers
I’m sitting in my favorite chair, TV remote in hand, shaking my head in disbelief. There’s nothing good to watch on television. Unless, of course,...
COLUMN: Arguments
One of the most memorable lines I ever heard in high school was delivered to my friend Randy when he got into a heated...
COLUMN: Nudity, noise and dangerous toys
I have been yelling like a…well, a grumpy grandfather. It’s embarrassing really – yelling for quiet. But it’s necessary when you have a houseful...
COLUMN: The old man’s watch
Since It was my fourth trip to the watch repair shop, I didn’t have high hopes. I’m sure the little Russian man who owned...
COLUMN: Weather – or not
“Hey Google! What’s the weather forecast for today?” Those are my waking words each and every morning. And during the course of the day,...
COLUMN: Fishin’ and cheatin’ – caught lead handed!
I just read an article about a man who was disqualified from a fishing tournament for cheating. Y’all, I think Jesus is coming soon....
COLUMN: Dear Coach Saban
Dear Coach Saban,
Since I wrote a letter to Kalen DeBoer a few weeks ago and gave him some pointers about the South, I thought...
COLUMN: The Great Escape
As I tend to the scratches and scrapes on my bare legs, I’m wondering if I should get a tetanus shot. I don’t think...
COLUMN: MiMi and the scooter of death
I should’ve known. I mean, I know a bad omen when I see one. Why didn’t I pay attention? On a recent trip to...
COLUMN: Cornbread 101
For whatever reason, I decided today was going to be the day. Without hesitation, I walked into the bedroom with purpose and called to...
COLUMN: Snakes hiss me off
It’s springtime, and I knew it was bound to happen with all this warm weather we’ve been having. Today, I almost stepped on a...
COLUMN: Dear Coach DeBoer
Dear Coach DeBoer,
Even though you’ve been down here for a few weeks, I would like to welcome you and your family to Alabama. I...
COLUMN: Valentine’s Day – bottoms up!
It was Valentine’s Day 1973 and I had a big problem. What do I get my girlfriend? This was our first V-Day together, so...
COLUMN: Tickets
I know some of you are going to think I’m out of my mind, and maybe I am. I bought tickets to see the Rolling...
COLUMN: Grandparent’s names – they call you what?
From my personal perspective, one of the most wonderful things about having grandchildren (besides being able to give them back) is that we get...
COLUMN: Some assembly required
As we approach Christmas, I would like to send a heartfelt wish of good luck to all of you parents out there with young...
COLUMN: Comics – they ain’t funny!
It was a horrible, sickening phone call. Within a few seconds, my hopes and dreams were crushed like someone stepping on a Coke can....
COLUMN: Common scents
My wife Carol has been strongly suggesting (I call it nagging) that I visit my doctor and get the once over. I told her...
COLUMN: A slice full of memories
Decisions, decisions. What was I going to eat for supper? That’s always an important question for me, but today is a special day. Today...
COLUMN: Old theatre, old memories
I recently went to see singer Jackson Browne perform at the Alabama Theatre in downtown Birmingham, and a curious thing happened. After the first...
COLUMN: Say it ain’t so, Tony!
Oh, my Lord. I didn’t want to believe a link a friend just sent me. There is a new flavor of Skittles candy -...
COLUMN: BBQ joints
I love me some BBQ. That’s because I’m Southern, and it’s the law. If you cut me, I will probably bleed smoky, sweet, red...
COLUMN: HGTV is BS
I’m not a handyman. I truly wish I was, but it’s just not in my DNA. I can’t make a straight cut on a...
COLUMN: The perfect gift – Thanks Harper Lee!
I just finished my annual reading of “To Kill a Mockingbird.” Wow. As long as I live, I will read this novel. And for...
COLUMN: Stop and smell the corn dogs!
I drove by our community ballpark the other day and saw that the All-Star baseball games were well underway. It’s hard to believe that...
COLUMN: Southern stereotypes – I’m fed up, y’all!
This is for anyone who’s said fixin’ to, tumped over a glass or rurnt something. This is for the person who agrees with a...
COLUMN: The 57-year-old grudge
Well, the Super Bowl is history, which means football season is finally over, and husbands are talking to their wives for the first time...
COLUMN: The first kiss
Since February is officially the month of love, I’ve decided to put this on paper. Just to be safe, I’ve covered my bases by...
COLUMN: You’ll shoot your eye out – or something worse!
It wasn’t a Red Ryder like the one in “A Christmas Story,” but there was a time in my young life when, like Ralphie,...
COLUMN: ‘The Polar Express’: I heard the bells!
Being a grandparent, I’ve learned that the time between 2-3 years old is a wonderful age for grandchildren. They talk pretty well, they’re just...
COLUMN: Let your light shine
Christmas is known as the season of light. It’s the time of year when Christians all over the world celebrate the birth of the...
Where there’s smoke, there’s fire… and a lawn mower
If you drive by my house and see me cutting grass on a raggedy riding mower that looks like it came from Fred Sanford’s...
