One of the most complex things you can do for yourself when becoming a parent is allow yourself to grieve who you were. This has been crucial for me to accept, but it isn’t always easy. I’m so thankful to have other new moms around me I can talk about these things with.
It began when I was healing from birth and couldn’t be as productive as I once was. The house wasn’t as clean as quickly as I would like. I had to take it slow. I found myself feeling less than because of this. I used to clean an entire house, baseboards and all, within two hours or less – before. Then I could only clean in small bursts. I had to respect that life would go a little slower for a while.
I had to be thankful for that. I’ve learned to be thankful, but I also had to grieve it in small, silent ways so as to not become bitter.
I had to tell myself that these feelings do not make me a bad parent. That was a tough pill to swallow! I had taken the step to acknowledge my emotions, respect them and then move on. I didn’t dwell longer than needed. I gave them their space to run their course, saw them, heard them for what they were and went back to business.
It is OK that you have to take your time. You are raising a human and that is beyond enough! You are allowed to miss who you were, while being everlastingly grateful for what you have become. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
The best advice I can give is to find the people around you who understand what you are going through. Network with new moms and find your circle! The village you choose for yourself makes it all worthwhile.
Overall, don’t forget that you are doing a wonderful job!
