Sonder, defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is “the awareness that other people all have their own complex set of feelings and experiences.”
As a child I had this overwhelming sadness when I saw pictures of my grandparents when they were younger. It was odd to think of them so little and carefree. When they laughed I could see those faded smiles in those photographs. I would think of how much they had been through, but this picture of them as children kept them frozen in time when they were safe.
I had the same feeling when I was tasked to write about what I would say to my younger self if I could go back in time and see her for five minutes. Or when I listened to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac, as a mother, in comparison to when I was a teenager. The line, “I’m getting older, too” is getting a little heavy!
How often do we get angry at slow or fast drivers? We have all been there. Why do we feel the need to be angry at someone we don’t know? Circumstances we don’t understand? They want to make it home as much as you do. That person is someone’s friend, sibling, loved one, parent or child.
I had a teacher give a scenario to our class to see our initial reaction. He asked how we would feel if, while driving, someone sped up behind us and then passed us. Most of the class replied that they would think they’re rude. He then elaborated on the scenario saying that the husband was rushing his wife to the hospital as she was in labor. The class then said something along the lines of that being understandable.
He then asked how we would feel if we were late to school and someone in front of us was driving way under the speed limit? Of course, most of the class admitted they wouldn’t be thrilled. And after he suggested that, perhaps, it was one of our grandparents or someone experiencing an emergency, we all changed our perspective.
Why is our initial reaction usually the selfish one? We are all getting older. We were all children once, and in ways we still are and will always be. This is everyone’s first time being alive, and I think we forget that. We are so quick to pass judgement or to get angry at one another. When we are struck by a sense of sonder, we tend to slow down. The anger is quick to pass, because how can you be mad at someone for doing as we do.
